you have to quilt.

shiva shakti. that which is, exists through consciousness. and consciousness is formed by that which is.

there is a gorgeous, shining child in front of us. he smiles, sticks out his tongue and buzzes with it. he plays with the lights and air column. he tries to dry his moist towelette in the air stream, but his father wants him to sit in his seat.

i am terribly afraid of boredom. in small niches, smelling of piss, i feel the wind, observe the trees and birds. can i feel the land? a softness creeps into my legs a grâce de an estrella damm. in one garden the scent of dampness drifts to me. i suddenly feel like smoking a cigarette. a song arises. hassan tells of jumping over walls in order to escape from school.

i find bòlit, centre d’art contemporani, and then lose it again. i sit in an empty building with windows open. fantasies come of me picking up an art object and walking out. denosaltres: l’heroi i el mite. swim to the rocks. a guy is sleeping, naked. i stretch out in the sun. sing a bit. swim back.

art precolombi. estatuilla “souriente”. cerámica. centro de veracruz, méxico. 600-900 d.c. i look at the face and become completely overwhelmed. the smile with two small teeth. the joie de vivre… no, more like the ability of the artist to represent this impish power, zooming at me across more than a millennium. i stand in front of the ceramic statue, feeling this transmission, and cry.

fountains with delicate resonant drops. i realize how grateful i can feel for the shade of a tree. nothing reveals the stupidity of humans more than how they deal with their waste: public recycling bins. LOJ: lift off judgment, shanda. be aware of how and when you filter.

white cloth drapes over his soft brown body as he reaches to touch me. dog traps me as i am meditating on balcony. i am picking up my children from daycare. monday evening i step off the train after a gentle, half-sleeping, half-reading travel to camallera. i wash laundry in the tub, hang it on the rusty iron railings outside the window. venus is shining brightly. in the water we discuss abortion and sterilisation. i look at her and feel my heart opening. mother love and teachings are squeezed into kronos. the omnipresent rhythmic ebb and flow of cicadas. i lose my fear ‘i can’t do this’ and enter a lovely, broad space.

can it be too easy?

exchanges (pauline oliveros): follow the leader; accompany the leader; blend with the leader; become the leader

a special feature of the cinema was special reclining chairs, allowing one to comfortably view an abstract collage of leaf-like figures shifting and swaying, giving one the impression of being underwater while filtering the bright yellow light, creating a constantly twinkling effect. sounds of a distant music faintly trailed by, as if imagined by the audience. i am just surprised by being ‘forced’ to be in such a vulnerable position. david says: the plane is crashing. ‘if someone has a cut, then you can stitch it!’ her eyes can quicken you like a river heading toward the rapids. open yourself with love, not with understanding. tune the didgeridoo to the accordeon.

bring attention to the qualities of the sound. allow yourself to be surprised. parody of neutral stance. esoteric, satiric, hysteric. extend the gravity of the moment. allow one structure to coagulate. modulate according to changing qualities. use mirroring neurons. don’t think.

cervical. thoracic. lumbar. sacrum. coccyx. the sacroiliac joint is the joint in the bony pelvis, where the sacrum and the ilium of the pelvis are joined together by strong ligaments. the joint is a strong, weight-bearing, synovial joint with irregular elevations and depressions that produce interlocking of the two bones. the crocodile is a black shadow moving/gliding quickly across the floor. there is a fly, and the cat gets a ‘fly swatter’ out of it’s plastic packaging.

john cage. 4’33”. woodstock. maverick music hall. 29 august 1952. david tudor.

the bell sounds. i imagine the bell sound backwards. i almost cannot imagine a sound that begins so softly and gradually. how does breathing sound backwards? my neighbors are snoring very gently. ‘i thought of how beautiful mankind is when we slow down.’ the broken contact lens. i feel it, cracked, between my fingers.

allow some sounds to relax you. allow some sounds to give you energy, if needed. listen for the intelligence of sounds. i am still preparing my presentation. it is what i lock onto. i am giving it in my thoughts. conceived as a radio piece. your attention is on the absence. direct your attention to the presence. oracle bones: mirror dreams is performed. IONE. PO. Heloise Gold.

anything goes…. as long as you are listening. i sleep on chairs in the airport, amidst the most gentle humming and resonating of voices. absolutely soothing.

i am back home.